‘Whatever shall we do, ladies?’

From April 23, 2009:

How are you all doin’?” asked the waitress, and Aunt V said: “We’ll be better once we have some beer.”

This isn’t funny because it was before noon; it was funny because those are the very words I use in restaurants.

Aunt V hasn’t stayed at her Montana house since January, but her soon-to-be-ex husband has been down here three times. Last night, when Aunt V was putting away the beer we hadn’t drunk in the truck, she clucked her tongue.

“He’s left five pounds of cheese in here,” she said, nodding at the fridge. “Who does that? That’s all that’s in here besides two bottles of champagne and some orange juice.”

“Mimosas for breakfast!” I said.

She opened the door of a small cupboard between the kitchen and dining area. “There must be fifteen bottles of liquor in here.”

Aunt L jumped up to take her place kneeling before the cupboard. “Seventeen!” she declared, “… on the top shelf! There’s twenty-three bottles in here.”

This morning, Aunt V came up from the basement and told us: “I found three more bottles of champagne and seven Kokanees. What are we going to do, ladies?”